I was just looking at the last post and Miles was such a baby. Now he is a big kindergartener!
It's been hard to know what to write about as the hearing issue is now a non-issue and it is hard for me to publicly brag about my family. But I was inspired by another friend's blog to share my experience. So here goes.
I posted on the blog about the death of our baby, Izabelle Rhea, stillborn at 24 weeks. Since then we have had many pregnancies and many losses and I wanted to share my experience to end the silence around baby loss and to provide hope to those who might be going through something similar.
When we were given the green light after Izzy, we got pregnant again and were quietly hopeful. We did the same prenatal testing that we had done with the other babies and were told at the nuchal translucency that we had a very high risk for Down Syndrome. We then went ahead with the CVS and the results came back positive.
What I am about to disclose is not open for comment or debate. We chose to terminate the pregnancy. This was not an easy decision for me. I wanted this baby so very much but I had to think about the effect on the whole family, not just what I wanted. I knew from experience the amount of doctor time, the therapies, the intervention from a minor disability like Miles'. I couldn't imagine the chaos that would ensue with a baby with greater disabilities. And I couldn't face the risk that carrying such a pregnancy might mean- greater chance of stillbirth, greater chance of death during childbirth, greater chance of heart conditions. And then there was the responsibility I would be asking Miles to take on when Jeff and I die. So we terminated. And I grieved.
We decided to take a few months to heal, emotionally and physically, and then try again. We became pregnant quickly but this time it ended in a miscarriage.
We tried again. (By this time, I was almost 41.) All seemed to be going well. At my 8 week appointment, my doctor didn't find a heartbeat and told me to expect to start bleeding in a week or so. A week later, nothing was happening and I was just feeling sicker and sicker. So I called back, went in for a blood test and received some scary news. The doctor believed it was either ectopic or a molar pregnancy. I quickly went back and a molar pregnancy was diagnosed. For those who don't know what a molar pregnancy is, it is when the sperm meets up with an egg that does not have a nucleus. The sperm then multiplies its own DNA and grows in a grape cluster like fashion. It can have devastating results. Once removed, it can grow back in a cancerous form. Often women of my age are suggested to have hysterectomies. The doctor who examined me told me that I would never have another baby.
The surgery was scheduled and the results were good. I then had to wait one year before I could even think of pregnancy. Six months later, after reaching a zero HCG without intervention, I did some research and then went to see a fertility specialist about the possibility of another baby. As I was waiting for her to come into the exam room, I realized it was the anniversary of Izzy's birth. I was emotional. After taking a look at my ovaries, she told me there was absolutely no reason I should not be able to have another baby. She prescribed some progesterone for the last half of my cycle and sent me on my way. I also decided to start acupuncture again. I had some set backs- one ectopic pregnancy that was easily taken care of with some methotrexate and two very early miscarriages.
This post wouldn't be called "Road to a Miracle" if it didn't have a happy ending. In October of 2011, right after Halloween, we got a positive pregnancy test. I went in soon for blood tests and then ultrasounds. I knew not to expect much at 5 weeks but there, on the screen, was a fluttering little heartbeat. And it was still there at 6 weeks, and 7, and 8. I was transferred to a regular OB and got some extra screening with the Maternal Fetal Health folks. Lots of appointments. Lots of ultrasounds. I was meeting with the MFH doctor for the first time, when, again, I realized it was Izzy's Day. We did the AFP and the nuchal translucency. It came back with 1 in 600 chance of Down Syndrome and 1 in 1000 chance for any other chromosomal abnormality. Those are excellent for a woman of my age. We also did an amnio and all came back normal. Of course, there was drama. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, she was breech until 34 weeks, and I had PUPPS, a horrible pregnancy related rash, that lasted the last three or four months of the pregnancy. It was all worth it.
Because of my gestational diabetes, the doctors told me they would induce labor if I didn't give birth before her due date. Though I was having contractions, I ended up being scheduled for induction just as she hit 40 weeks. I asked if the doctor would start with breaking my amniotic sac to see what would happen and, since I was about 3 cm. dilated already, she did. Almost immediately I was in full labor mode. Jeff called my doula and I was laboring in the tub by the time she got there. Soon I felt like it was time to check how dilated I was. A nurse checked and I had one more centimeter to go. They told me not to push but that was incredibly hard to do. When I got the go-ahead, I tried one push lying on my side but that didn't work for me so they got me up and onto the birthing stool my doula, Sandy, had brought. Once I was there, with gravity working with me, Milagros came right out. The labor took three hours from when they broke my water until they pronounced the birth. 6 PM on the dot.
Millie is now 4 and a half months old and a wonderful baby! She is smiling and laughing. Miles is a very proud big brother and liking her much more now that she can interact with him. She's crying less which he also likes.
