I found this essay on a blog at Deaf Village and thought I would post it here to get more exposure. I thought it summed things up beautifully. We are often asked about Miles' hearing aids on the playground and when we inform people of Miles' permanent hearing impairment, there are often comments like, "Wow, that must be hard." Well, yes, and no. It's like- going to Holland. Enjoy.
Welcome to Holland
by Emily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this...
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip—to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”
”Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
Its just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away ... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
©1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved.
3 comments:
Other people's reactions to hearing aids can be so interesting. I love the little kids, who usually just come right up and ask, "what are in his ears?" Their mothers are usually trying to shush them and pull them back. The kids are just honestly curious and I try to reassure their parents that questions are OK. Once the question is answered with a "they're hearing aids and they help him hear," the kids usually say, "oh, OK!" and run off to play. If only adults could be that easy!
I actually find that so few parents make the assumption of hearing aids and assume that they are tubes or something like that. The kids are very accepting and the parents are often pitying. My husband will say to the children, and sometimes to the adults, "Just like I have to wear glasses to help me see, he has to wearing hearing aids to help him hear." It's not a perfect analogy but it certainly helps them understand that we all need a little medical intervention ;)
Really great story/example. Thanks for sharing it!
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